Shop for puppy leads …come back with cancer

What I thought was a quick trip for blood results, and on the way home, nip in and buy puppy leads for the 2 new lab pups that were coming in 2 weeks’ time, turned out to be one of the worst days in my life.

I remember the excitement in the car journey up to hospital ,Carol & I planning where to let the puppies sleep ,also giving our old lab Charlie a space for chill out time ,holidays ,get them used to kennels ,names for the boys ,leads etc ..Then to be honest the rest of that day is just a blur , I just remember snippets “sorry to tell you …Cancer…survival …Liver transplant “

We just sat in the car and thought “What just happened in there?” 

We cried, held each other then sat silent for a while.

Looking back I think that is one of NHS downfall. We got life changing news ..then your left on your own to go home ,nobody stops you on the way out “How are you.?” Or booklets or leaflets, you are just left at the edge of a cliff looking into an abyss.

 Next challenge …telling your family and friends ,but it’s something  YOU HAVE TO DO ,unfortunately at this time Carol had took this news very hard ,and in a strange way this helped me ,I realised that I had to roll the sleeves up and take on this fight now to help and protect my family ,and in doing this I set myself targets to survive .

20 days later I go into hospital to see if I will make it onto the “Transplant List “ 

Stupidly I thought everybody goes on The List ,but no ,it’s a week of tests from bloods ,scans ,bloods ,physical, bloods ,psychological ,bloods and fitness .Then at the end of the week the entourage are like God ..They decide if you make it or not..

So sleeves rolled up for my 1st target “MAKE THE LIST” …I was up every morning at 6am for a walk round the hospital grounds ,in fact ,I walked just about all day ,nurses made me carry my mobile so I was contactable if a scan or blood test was coming they could get me .Finally on the Friday I had my meeting to be told I had made the list ,I actually burst into tears ,that’s my first target reached. Just to put this in perspective the man in the bed next to me didn’t make the list, and he got 18 months to live.

This is a rollercoaster ride of emotions and wellbeing, some days you feel you could walk forever and others every step is a prisoner.But you keep walking, thinking of survival.

My next target was making people aware of Organ Donation through social media and other sources.

Organ donation Scotland actually phoned Carol and said there had been an increase of donors by 44%, then I actually contacted MPs and other big names to make people aware that you can sign up again, even like me you did it years ago with your driving licences etc, and now Scotland has become an opt out donor system (I think I’ll claim that as target 2)

Target 3 was the 27mile walk with Walk With Scott Foundation to raise money to buy Rempods …Target 3 completed and 5 Rempods bought.

The hard bits are the dark days, and boy do you get them, but I try to keep going for my family sake, no one else’s, just theirs.

I have discovered that people think Cancer is contagious, sometimes even just saying the word. I have been amazed by friends who you would have put money on for support let me down, and people that you wouldn’t expect to, step right up to the plate.

For me the hardest thing is being tied in and controlled by a phone signal and time.

If you go out for a meal,a picnic ..is there a signal?

Can’t go more than 2 hours from the hospital.

Taking the dog a walk…Am I near a road to get picked up?

I have thought long and hard ,and really I am not afraid of dying ,my fear is leaving my family to cope .I still have old fashioned values that I am there to protect and defend ,and if I pass I have let them down 

I also don’t understand when people say “I’ve not been in touch ,I don’t know what to say “ Try “Hello “ its so short and so simple !!

And another piece of advice ,if you have friends that are going through the same as Carol and I ,and you have asked the ill partner how they are ,then maybe ask the partner ,because it is just as hard for them .

Another thing I have realised, and please take this is fact. Get of your mobile phones and look about you, talk to people..Take your family for a good old picnic..Stop takingselfies and take surroundings.try a barbecue where no phone calls are allowed ,justphotos

I hope people reading this realise I am not being ignorant if I don’t reply right away with a text ,a call or an email .because sometimes you just want to sit at peace and in quietness .

I am on a death sentence awaiting a donor ,it’s a lot for your mind to take on

Yes I do get dark days, and sometimes really dark days ,but I give myself a talking too, roll up my sleeves and take on the fight 

Target 4. I hear you ask

Get this Liver transplant and get back to my family